Events in the past week have caused me to once again
reflect on the choice we made to host foreign exchange students. I want to
share an updated prospective from a temporary mom that will be sending home two
lovely adopted daughters in a little over a month. I am going to again
apologize in advance if I offend someone and also for the length of this post!
The first thing that happened this week was a discussion in
a staff meeting about hosting exchange students. During that meeting some of
the staff expressed that they are unwilling to host due to the busyness of
their lives or the fact that they are “empty nesters” and prefer to stay that
way. While I respect their decision for their family, I think they are missing
out on such a beautiful experience.
We are just as busy as a young couple as any family could
be. We sponsor multiple activities at school, I teach piano lessons in addition
to my job at school, we are active in our church, and we keep busy traveling
and visiting family. We are away from home more than we are at home. We are
also “empty nesters” just in a different way. Some people have raised their children
and enjoy the freedom of being just a couple again; we haven’t been given the opportunity
to raise any of our own and while we would love our own little ones we enjoy
the freedom of being just a couple as well.
Our foreign exchange students don’t replace the children we
haven’t had, they are children on loan to us, for us to enjoy (or not) for a
time and eventually say good-bye to and return to their real parents. We have
had to change the way we live, and at times it has been uncomfortable and even
inconvenient but I wouldn’t trade the experience for anything. I do not have my
own child, this fact is not by choice, but I do have two beautiful temporary
daughters that have shaken up my world and changed my life. All too often we
want to find reasons why we can’t do something or don’t want to do something
that we know will change life rather than look for all the reasons why we
should move out of our comfort zone.
Being a Host Mom is NOT easy. It isn’t easy when cultural differences cause
misunderstandings and hurt feelings. It isn’t easy when teenagers are teenagers
and my 29 year-old inexperience has to communicate to their foreign teenage
mind that things need to change. It isn’t easy when I just want to forget about
dinner but I have two hungry teenagers that need to be fed. It isn’t easy but
it is worth it.
It is worth it when they thank me for my wisdom (even if the
wisdom was only assuring them they NEED to take that heavy blanket to a track
meet). It’s worth it when we have a conversation that reaches across cultural
barriers and results in true understanding. It’s worth it when we are all
laughing and enjoying a movie or game or other activity and the difference in
our upbringing and language and beliefs doesn’t matter—all that matters is our
love and respect for one another.
The second thing that happened had nothing to do with our
current exchange students. Instead, it deals with a young lady that we picked
out for next year clear back in February. When I read her application something
just felt right about her and we chose to host her as long as she agreed to a
double placement. When a student applies they have the option to indicate that
they are open to being placed in the same home as another exchange student. If
they do not check to be “double-placed” the agency will contact them and check
to see if they are willing to be placed with another student in the specific
family that has chosen them. So, our family profile was sent to her and she
agreed to be double placed with us.
We spent some time carefully selecting our second student
and recently finished all of the paperwork needed to finish the placement. On
Wednesday morning our regional coordinator contacted me to tell us that
although she agreed to the double placement originally, our first student
decided she was no longer okay with it. It felt a little like a punch in the
stomach. As I mentioned in my first post about why we chose to host, I already
loved this girl and had already found a place for her in my heart. Her
rejection feels really terrible. Though I try to stop them, questions go racing
through my mind: Why did she choose to reject the placement now? Does she not
want to live in such a remote place? Does she not want to live with the other
girl we selected? Does she not want to live with us? Did we do something wrong?
Why?
Ultimately, I know that God must have a greater plan but
sometimes it’s so hard to see what He has in mind for us. “’For I know the
plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper and not to harm
you, plans to give you hope and a future.’” (Jeremiah 29:11) In that I trust
that even in the heartache and sacrifice, we were called to host exchange
students for this time in our life. Maybe this isn’t for everyone; maybe some
people have all the challenges they can deal with. What I know for sure is that
God will fill our hearts and home with love and at this moment He is doing that
through two lovely young ladies that aren’t our own, but in so many ways are.
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