Why Be a Host Parent? Second Edition

At the beginning of this experience, I blogged about WHY we chose to be host parents. Those reasons still hold true but we have learned so much about it since I wrote that post.

Events in the past week have caused me to once again reflect on the choice we made to host foreign exchange students. I want to share an updated prospective from a temporary mom that will be sending home two lovely adopted daughters in a little over a month. I am going to again apologize in advance if I offend someone and also for the length of this post!

The first thing that happened this week was a discussion in a staff meeting about hosting exchange students. During that meeting some of the staff expressed that they are unwilling to host due to the busyness of their lives or the fact that they are “empty nesters” and prefer to stay that way. While I respect their decision for their family, I think they are missing out on such a beautiful experience.

We are just as busy as a young couple as any family could be. We sponsor multiple activities at school, I teach piano lessons in addition to my job at school, we are active in our church, and we keep busy traveling and visiting family. We are away from home more than we are at home. We are also “empty nesters” just in a different way. Some people have raised their children and enjoy the freedom of being just a couple again; we haven’t been given the opportunity to raise any of our own and while we would love our own little ones we enjoy the freedom of being just a couple as well.

Our foreign exchange students don’t replace the children we haven’t had, they are children on loan to us, for us to enjoy (or not) for a time and eventually say good-bye to and return to their real parents. We have had to change the way we live, and at times it has been uncomfortable and even inconvenient but I wouldn’t trade the experience for anything. I do not have my own child, this fact is not by choice, but I do have two beautiful temporary daughters that have shaken up my world and changed my life. All too often we want to find reasons why we can’t do something or don’t want to do something that we know will change life rather than look for all the reasons why we should move out of our comfort zone.

Being a Host Mom is NOT easy.  It isn’t easy when cultural differences cause misunderstandings and hurt feelings. It isn’t easy when teenagers are teenagers and my 29 year-old inexperience has to communicate to their foreign teenage mind that things need to change. It isn’t easy when I just want to forget about dinner but I have two hungry teenagers that need to be fed. It isn’t easy but it is worth it.

It is worth it when they thank me for my wisdom (even if the wisdom was only assuring them they NEED to take that heavy blanket to a track meet). It’s worth it when we have a conversation that reaches across cultural barriers and results in true understanding. It’s worth it when we are all laughing and enjoying a movie or game or other activity and the difference in our upbringing and language and beliefs doesn’t matter—all that matters is our love and respect for one another.

The second thing that happened had nothing to do with our current exchange students. Instead, it deals with a young lady that we picked out for next year clear back in February. When I read her application something just felt right about her and we chose to host her as long as she agreed to a double placement. When a student applies they have the option to indicate that they are open to being placed in the same home as another exchange student. If they do not check to be “double-placed” the agency will contact them and check to see if they are willing to be placed with another student in the specific family that has chosen them. So, our family profile was sent to her and she agreed to be double placed with us.

We spent some time carefully selecting our second student and recently finished all of the paperwork needed to finish the placement. On Wednesday morning our regional coordinator contacted me to tell us that although she agreed to the double placement originally, our first student decided she was no longer okay with it. It felt a little like a punch in the stomach. As I mentioned in my first post about why we chose to host, I already loved this girl and had already found a place for her in my heart. Her rejection feels really terrible. Though I try to stop them, questions go racing through my mind: Why did she choose to reject the placement now? Does she not want to live in such a remote place? Does she not want to live with the other girl we selected? Does she not want to live with us? Did we do something wrong? Why?

Ultimately, I know that God must have a greater plan but sometimes it’s so hard to see what He has in mind for us. “’For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.’” (Jeremiah 29:11) In that I trust that even in the heartache and sacrifice, we were called to host exchange students for this time in our life. Maybe this isn’t for everyone; maybe some people have all the challenges they can deal with. What I know for sure is that God will fill our hearts and home with love and at this moment He is doing that through two lovely young ladies that aren’t our own, but in so many ways are.

Amy & Dani at Winter Formal...we will have
prom pictures in about a week!

Snow Days, Postponements

It has once again been awhile since our last post so I figured it was time for an update. We have actually spent quite a bit of time at home recently due to a large snowstorm that blew in last Monday night and had us "trapped" for three whole days. School was cancelled Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday due to the drifting snow. Around here drifts were as high as 6-7 feet tall in places and the roads were impassable for a long time. We treated Amy and Dani to a real, true South Dakota/Nebraska April blizzard!

This is us sitting at the intersection to the
highway, ready to head to school.

We were able to get to school on Friday thanks to my dad (he plowed in front of us in the tractor),  then my mom went in the gray truck (notice the amount of snow in her wheels!), and we followed her in our jeep...it was quite the convoy!

While we had fun staying home during the blizzard, not everything about it was happy. About a week or so before Dani, Amy, and I had gone to visit a "freak of nature" calf that was born. Calves usually weigh at least 70 pounds when born but this little one was only about 20 pounds and was essentially just a freakishly miniature calf. Unfortunately, during the blizzard the poor little thing was covered by snow and passed on to "cattle" Heaven. Unfortunately blizzards create a lot more work for ranchers and can also be a true hardship in the loss of cattle and other livestock. We are thankful that the only big loss for the Logterman Family Ranch was poor little "Midgy."

Dani and Amy with "Midgy," the little miniature calf.

Today we are back at home due to ice/wind/we don't really know why! We were supposed to get a bunch of snow today but the forecast continues to change and no one really knows what is going to happen. We have a day off and get to stay out of the cold so that's good enough for me. Due to this weather though, our District Music contest was postponed to Monday and the track season has been in complete upheaval as meets are constantly getting cancelled or postponed. It has been an April unlike most others.

Today Amy and I have been relaxing while George and Dani went out to explore some of my parents' land nearby. I have a great picture of Dani all suited up in George's coveralls but she has requested I not post it, so I won't. She looked so cute and funny in the over-sized clothing.

Watch for another post sometime soon about the other event of today--not quite ready to blog about it yet but will share soon. For now, I need to go because the family is playing a fierce game of tile rummy that they are wanting me to join in on!

Driving Lessons

I have been in a very reflective mood lately so please excuse this post if it feels too reflective, personal, or cliche. As we were driving home (or rather as Amy drove us home) from track practice tonight my mind was processing all that has been happening in our lives and how many life lessons can be related to learning how to drive. (Please note that I will refer to Amy a lot...not because she is a worse driver than Dani but because she drove home tonight and Dani did not.)

Dani and Amy have been driving from time to time to (as Dani put it) "keep the feeling" of how to drive. They seem to enjoy driving and are getting pretty decent at it too! We still don't trust them to pull into the garage because that's just scary but otherwise they are doing well. Anyway, on to sharing my thoughts about life and driving.

Sometimes you need to go fast, sometimes you need to slow down.
I don't generally let the girls drive in Nebraska--only in South Dakota. So tonight I drove until the turn-off by the state line, pulled over and switched seats with Amy. She did a nice job of checking to make sure no one was coming before pulling out onto the highway...at 15 mph. I instructed her to use a bit more speed next time because pulling into potential traffic that is traveling at 50+ mph requires a bit more speed.

Sometimes in life, we need to use speed--we have no choice because life moves quickly at times. We have been experiencing that lately. If we don't keep up, we will get lost in the shuffle and miss out on things that need to be done. At other times, we need to slow down and take in the sights. With spring upon us and beautiful weather nearly every day, I have been trying to make a conscience effort to slow down when possible to enjoy these wonderful spring moments with the family. Today I was struck by how amazing the new life of spring truly is. Last fall a huge fire burned a lot of the pastureland right next to the highway we drive everyday and we have had to look at the ugly, bare ground since then. Today as Amy drove, I noticed that green grass is starting to grow back...how wonderful to see that! Of course, my sight-seeing was interrupted by needing to remind Amy of the next lesson...

Stay on the right side of the road!
Amy has some trouble with this concept--due to the fact the we drive on the right side of the road here and she is used to the car being driven on the left side. This is obviously a pretty big deal when an oncoming car is approaching but it is also a fairly big deal between time. The more you drift into the other lane, the more it feels okay and the less you notice it (at least in Miss Amy's case!) Like life, we can become complacent and not realize things aren't going the way the should until it's too late. Staying on the right track turns out to be the easiest way to get to your destination.

The only problem for me is that sometimes the right side of the road isn't clearly defined and determining what the correct path is can be difficult. George recently interviewed for a different teaching position and they offered him the job. Tomorrow I will interview at the same school for a music job and I'm not sure what the right decision will be if they offer me that job as well. I love where I am now but the other school would allow me to teach only vocal music and would have better facilities. On the other hand, CK has the greatest students ever and I would be so sad to say good-bye to them. Which one is the right side of the road? There are not clear indicators. Lucky for me, the next lesson learned is...

Be ready to go the wrong direction and have to change your path.
Most of the time, if you turn the wrong way or head in the wrong direction, you can turn around or make enough turns to right yourself. Things might get a bit hairy at times (like if you turn the wrong way down a one way...) but there are not a lot of mistakes you make that cannot be corrected somehow. The same is of course true in life. I firmly believe that mistakes will happen and the way in which we react to them determines their impact on our lives. I tend to be fairly calm, cool, and collected most of the time. (Obviously this isn't always true but unless I'm totally stressed out I can usually put things into perspective.) When I make a mistake, I try to stay calm and figure out the best way to right the wrong. I have found that getting worked up about things usually doesn't help the situation and so I anticipate that I will make mistakes and prepare myself to take those mistakes in stride and react calmly. Sometimes this works and sometimes it doesn't.

Life is a lot like driving a car. As I am parenting and instructing our lovely girls I find that I am learning to appreciate all of the things my parents went through and taught me. It is scary to get in a car with a teenager behind the wheel! Parenting is pretty scary though...and I'm only a stand-in parent. Every decision I make, every mood I am in, every word I say is being soaked up by two young ladies that need me to be a loving, good role model. I know I fall short all too often but every day I get back behind the wheel and try again.

P.S. Sorry I have no picture to share this time. I will have to share some when the green grass REALLY starts to come in :)